C&C 25: It’s a Shane Black Christmas

My only holiday custom comes to Substack

Rosemarie and I cowrote the lyrics—an early Renee Patrick production—in 2008, which means this year marks their fifteenth anniversary. This particular post first appeared on my website in 2009. It’s high time it debuted here.

There I am at my favorite watering hole, talking with the staff, when the subject of Christmas movies is raised.

First suggestion, not made by me: the traditional double-bill of Die Hard and Die Hard II: Die Harder.

Thus giving me the tenor of the conversation. This is not the time, perhaps, to mention Remember the Night (1940) and Holiday Affair (1949), two overlooked films (with noir connections!) that Turner Classic Movies has labored to turn into Yuletide staples. Although a mention of Blast of Silence (1961), full of Wenceslas wetwork, might not be out of the question.

So I lobby for my own Christmas favorite, The Ref (1994). And then observe, not for the first time, that the entire oeuvre of Shane Black—Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout, The Long Kiss Goodnight, and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang—is set at the most wonderful time of the year. (Editor’s note, 2023: Iron Man 3 and The Nice Guys—the Christmas trees are there if you look—also make the roster. But the streak came to an end in 2018 with Black’s film The Predator, which is set at Halloween. It was fun while it lasted.)

Therefore, as you venture out for that last round of shopping, I offer, by popular demand, what has become a VKDC tradition. (“By popular demand” meaning Rosemarie asked, “Why haven’t you posted this yet?” And she did write most of it.) Here, once again, is Shane Black’s 12 Days of Christmas. Record your church group performing this and we’ll post the video here!

Twelve cars exploding

Eleven extras running

Ten tankers skidding

Nine strippers pole-ing

Eight Uzis firing

Seven henchmen scowling

Six choppers crashing

Five silver Glocks

Four ticking bombs

Three hand grenades

Two mortar shells

And a suitcase full of C-4

God bless us, everyone. Or else.

What I’m Drinking

I bought a bottle of Bonal to make the Sharpie Mustache, spotlighted here recently. An aperitif infused with gentian and quinine, Bonal can readily be substituted for sweet vermouth in any cocktail. I’ve become partial to the Bonal & Rye. In the original configuration by San Francisco bartender Todd Smith, the two ingredients shared the stage in equal parts, supported by orange and Angostura bitters. It has since evolved to become a spirit-forward cocktail with a Cointreau cameo. That’s the version that continues to play around here.

Bonal & Rye, by Todd Smith

• 2 oz. rye

• 1 oz. Bonal

• ½ oz. Cointreau

• 2 dashes orange bitters

• 1 dash Angostura bitters

Stir. Strain. Garnish with an orange twist.